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| Getting Through To People |
By:
David Lesser |
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Clients often ask me for tools and techniques to make them more effective in working with people. In a coaching session, whenever we discuss and practice how to handle a particular person or situation, they usually end up recognizing that the connection is the most important thing. In this article, we will look at rapport first then how to meet opposition.
Three Keys to Establish Rapport
Even in the tensest engagement, if we find a way to establish rapport with the other, the rest of the communication will flow from that. Great tools and technique have their place but without rapport they won't do too much. Here are three keys that I have found help me establish rapport.
Key One: Notice What You Are Afraid Of
Any exchange between two human beings involves risk. We may do harm, lose reputation or miss out on opportunity. Something may happen to take us out of our comfort zone where we won't know what to do. Where there is risk, the natural instinct is to keep distance.
Distance gives us perspective so we can map the safest way through. Yet it makes connection harder. Some people engage with avoidance and some with bravado. Either way rapport ain't going to happen.
Take the time to notice what is at risk, for you and for the other person. Once acknowledged, your risks won't create distance in the same way. You will likely begin to feel appreciation for who they are and for what they are doing in the face of their risks.
Key Two: Resolve The Superior-Inferior Dynamic
We create separation by upholding ourselves as special. No one has a perfectly undented self-esteem so, to feel good about who we are, we're constantly tempted to identify as better than or less than others.
As a coach or consultant, for example, my livelihood depends on having something to offer people or organizations that will help them. And I get great pleasure when good things happen for clients as a result of our work together. If I am not careful, I could easily surround myself with those I see as less whole or proficient.
My wife, Chellsa, and I make it a practice before an important call or session to help each other see how we are holding ourselves as better or worse than the other people involved. The separation resolves, not so much into
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About the Author:
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David Lesser is coach and confidant to CEO's and senior
executives. He has been guiding people and organizations
through crucial transitions for over 20 years. Go to
ExecutiveConfidant.com (http://executiveconfidant.com). Join
David's blog (http://www.davidlessercoaching.com/consult.html)
or sign up for a free 30 minute consultation.
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